20 LOSERS YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM

Woman! If you meet any of these losers listed below, RUN, RUN, RUN like a rabid dog is chasing you.

1. He says, "WAAADDUP BITCH".
2. He takes you to a cemetry and says he finds the"i will love you forever" epitaphs extremely romantic.
3. His credit card does not work at the fancy restaurants. But it works just fine at Saravana Bhavan.
4. He says he is on a sebatical till he figures out things in his life.
5. He says you are his soul mate on the third date.
6. He says "i would love to get my hands on that fine booty".
7. His ring tone is "appadi podu! podu!".
8. His excuse to make you get the cheque every time is he is saving to study abroad.
9. His mother still feeds him/gives him a bath.
10. He answers his phone with a "yo!"
11. He says he plays with himself (if you know what i mean) 5 times a day.
12. He says he watched KAL HO NA HO 3 times and cried all 3 times.
13. He always starts a conversation with " this one time I was so wasted".
14. He loves taking pictures of himself with your phone, not his, because he doesn't have a phone with a camera.
15. He says he is very philosophical, emotional and deep.
16. The books he loved were "da vinci code, angels and demons, deception point and digital fortress"
17. He likes to watch reruns of Desperate Housewives.
18. He always seems to forget his wallet at home.
19. His pants are so low that his butt crack shows when he bends over.
20. He gets you to buy food for his dog.
    
    
    

WINNING AT THE LOSING GAME

Weight loss seems to be an eternal battle for most of us. I can even beat the scientists in the race to find God's Particle but i can not lose weight . I can live without an arm but i can not eat SALADS. There is always a “monday” or a “January 1st” or a “birthday” to start a new diet or workout. Well!! A gazillion Mondays have come and gone. I’ve been waiting for January 1st for the last 8 years, taken numerous resolutions, broken all of them and I haven’t gotten very far.

We have tried every fad diet possible from the Atkins NO CARB diet ( for someone who lives on rice like i do, its like hell ) to the GM 7 days diet ( I couldn’t get out of bed the third day ... and someone else’s hands turned blue) and the usual “stay off sugar” bit ( it is impossible to stay off sugar when i can see a doughnut being dipped in chocolate from my desk ).

I have realized dieting does not allow my brain to function. I have also realized that moving my butt to the gym is the only way to lose weight. And i also thought, if i had a treadmill at home instead of driving all the way to the gym, i would actually work out. I bought myself a fancy new treadmill. I went all the way with Manchester United shorts, trainers (trust me!! it isn’t running if your pretty feet haven’t got NIKE AIR, ipod and one of those fancy gym bottles for my COOLADE. I guess i thought wrong. All that drive to lose weight stopped with the buying. The trainers never got to see the light of day much, nor did my shorts. Spending all that money on the treadmill didn’t go entirely to waste though. It now serves its purpose as a very expensive towel hanger.This should explain why I still have 3 enormous bags of size SMALL clothes that have become a tad bit tight (errr.emmmm.when i say “tad”, it means those trousers that are not even going half way up my legs). I am hoping to fit into them SOMEDAY! Sigh!

P.S - I am waiting for Monday again! 

Sivakasi

You've got to be really stupid if you dont know where Sivakasi is.. And, if you don't, GOOGLE it. But, what i can say is, its a blooming one horse town. Do not even think about coming here.Well!! This is coming from a person who has lived her whole life in Sivakasi. We.... the Sivahasssians,

• eat BROTTAS  ( for all you city kids, its PARATHAS) and CHAALNA (which is an oily curry, concocted with body parts i cannot name... Google HAGGIS and you'll know). It is pretty delicious though and addictive. People actually drink it like soup here. But i do suggest an orange pill after some fiery SIVAKASI CHAALNA.
• sleep
• work ( we dont have weekends. Don't mistake us for workaholics. It is just that we do not have anything else to do )
• gossip ( which usually centers around "who is seeing who, who is doing who, who should be doing who, who was doing who and is not doing anymore"...
• bitch.. I don't even want to get started on this...
• booze ( cock-ey tails which look like mock-ey tails)
• little escapades to the big bad city 
• go for weddings (which happen all the time)
• drive swanky cars on roads made for dirtbikes 
• orkut 
• are hypocrites ( the women pretend to be nuns and the men pretend to be saints)

We do all of the above, not neccessarily in this order. I am guessing you get the general drift here...Sigh!!

And for all you PEOPLE ( I am talking about the fraction who cannot and will not live survive without a neighbourhood coffee shop and your pasha's and dublin's, the " i can't imagine life outside Madras" and the inquisitive dimwits who pester me with asinine questions )

• YES, Sivakas is a GAON
• NO, we do not have barista or mocha (both of which i detest).
• NO, we do not have malls or spencers (Sivakasi is the size of spencers)
• NO, we do not have clubs
• NO, we do not the have ECR ( we have Sunset boulevard which is used as a communal comode )
• NO, we dont have raves
• NO, we dont have Thai food
• NO, we do not have ANYTHING!

Lacking all of this doesn't make Sivakasi a shitty place. At the end of the day, with all the bitching and the whining and the complaining, I love Sivakasi! I know, i am a walking, bitching , contradiction. Sigh!!!